The Helpers

Episode One

by Trivial Keithy

'It's no good Romana, we can't repair K9 without the necessary components.' The Doctor looked up from his examination of the little robot dog's insides. 'We need a Gerrome Oscillator and a Hawking Singularity Cascade Generator.'

'Poor K9. We're nowhere near anywhere at the moment, we can't even adapt the few spares we have as a stop-gap.' Romana sighed and walked over to the TARDIS console.

'Romana, you've just given me an intensely interesting idea. Set course for Earth, late 20th centuary. There may just be a way.'

'Earth won't have the necessary level of technology until the 22nd centuary Doctor.'

'I know but we can adapt the technology easily, besides you know the chaos Earth's economy is in then. I barely escaped from it the last time I was there.'

Romana hastily set landing and temporal co-ordinates before returning to oversee the Doctor's repairs. 'No Doctor, that connection there, you'll blow his memory stack if you did that.'

The TARDIS materialised in a quiet alleyway. The Doctor emerged first and tasted the air. 'A bit of pollution, some ozone and methane, nothing noxious, good landing Romana.'

Romana emerged next and closed the doors behind her. 'Thanks, hey I like the sign posts.' She looked at a multitude of poster boards each a different shade of red, green and blue. They all had a different, one word, message.

'Nice, happy, joy, kindness, smile. Romana is this 1984?'

'No it's 1998, early september, a Tuesday like you asked.'

'That's right, I don't like Mondays.'

The Doctor and Romana headed down a main street and waved cheerily to a jogger as he passed them by. Their smiles turned to shock when a gang of scruffy looking men and women lept out from behind a hedge and started assaulting him.

'Hey you, leave him alone.' The Doctor shouted as he raced over to help the stricken man, his scarf flapping behind him. Before he could reach the gang two orange skinned aliens appeared from nowhere, they were wearing simple green body suits and their heads were quite bald. They shot the thugs who immediatly became docile and passive.

'Hello, I'm the Doctor and there really was no need for such extreme measures, I'm sure a simple arrest and some community service would have been enough.'

'It's standard proceedure citizen, minor infractions of the law result in immediate application of the treatment.' The first alien gave the Doctor a merit button. 'Wear this citizen, you have been a help to law and order.' As suddenly as they appeared the aliens disappeared. 'Romana, can I ask you something.'

Romana looked at her colleague and smiled. 'Of course.'

'Who were those two? How did they appear and disappear? What's happened to the police? And what has happened to established history?'

Romana's smile vanished. 'More to the point can things be put right?'

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Episode Two

by BlameLewis

"Romana!" hissed the Doctor, suddenly.

"What!" she replied, leaning in.

"Why don't you go that way, look for the components for K9, and I'll go this way, and see if I can't get to the bottom of all this!" The Doctor said, all smile again.

"Alright Doctor, I'll see you back at the TARDIS in... how long do you need?"

"What? To put history back on course, undo any damage to the timelines and have a cup of tea? Oh, about 4 hours should do it." He grinned "Five, if it's really good tea." And with that, the two Gallifreyans went their separate ways.

The Doctor had picked a road leading towards an imposing looking building, tall, angular, with glass panels on all of it's twenty floors of windows. It looked oddly familiar, The Doctor was sure he'd been here before... but he couldn't quite place the city. He walked on, the building looming closer. Overhead, a huge orange dirigible floated by, the word: "HUG!" emblazoned on it's side...

Romana's path was leading toward the better part of town. Mostly residential, she noticed, looking in vain for anything resembling a scientific institute, or a University. She passed a bright blue sign reading "SWEET!" and turned into a leafy suburban avenue. Now that was better, she thought. The tall house was nondescript to look at, finely built, yes, but otherwise nothing special. What had caught Romana's eye was the annexe - built to one side of the main house, it was small, squat, and had a huge telescope protruding from the makeshift dome on the roof. It practically had Hawking Singularity Cascade Generator written on it, she thought. Smiling, Romana set off up the driveway.

The figure which had folowed her from her parting with the Doctor smiled also, and, stepping out of the shadowy bushes across the street, reached for a small transmitter on it's belt. "Pathos One, this is Hyperbole. She's about to knock on your door."

The Doctor stood gaping up at the huge edifice before him. Still can't place it, he mused, making for the entrance. The door swooshed cheerfully open in front of him, and he was delighted to see one of the orange-skinned aliens sitting behind the reception desk. He walked over. "Good afternoon, I'm the Doctor." he beamed "I believe I have an appointment?"

"One moment sir." smiled the alien, glancing at a large green book entitled "LOVELY APPOINTMENTS!"

The Doctor glanced around. A mauve sign on the desk said; "HAVE A NICER DAY!" There was a huge multicoloured sign dominating the area: it read "WELCOME TO THE EMBASSY!" he leaned back into the desk. "Don't you find Capital letters, primary colours and exclamation marks a little grating after a while?" He asked. The receptionist looked up at him cooly. "It's for the natives, sir - keeps them happy." It replied.

"Quite right!" boomed the Doctor, pulling a bag from his pocket. "Have a jelly-baby!"

The affect on the alien was astonishing. Tears sprang into the corners of it's eyes, and it smiled up at the Doctor like a child at it's Mother. "Thank you! Thank you!" It sobbed in delight. A timid hope crept into its voice. "Are there any red ones?" The Doctor grinned and pushed open the bag with his thumb.

He leaned close to the sniffling creature. "Take two!" he whispered. "Which way is the Ambassador's office?" It was a gamble, but the creature had forgotten all about the appointments book, and an embassy without an ambassador...

"Seventy-Seventh floor, Elevator Nine." beamed the alien, holding two plump red sweets in its hands. It tentatively licked at one of them and shuddered with joy.

"Thank you. You know you really are a terribly nice species." said the Doctor, striding towards the elevator. He pushed the button, and the doors opened immediately. How nice, he thought. As the elevator doors were closing, he heard the receptionists voice call to him across the foyer, and froze in shock.

"But you're ten minutes early." the receptionist shouted, as the doors closed and the elevator rocketed upwards.

Romana blinked in surprise at the strange figure who had opened the door. It wasn't that he didn't look like a mad professor - no, the regulation scruffy suit and wild hair were perfectly in order. It was the large, blue ray-gun he was holding that threw her. She quickly recovered her poise, and gave one of her most elfin grins. "I'm terribly sorry to disturb you," she began, "but you don't happen to have a spare Gerrome Oscillator to hand do you?"

"Shut up and get inside, girl!" he hissed, stepping back from the door and motioning with the ludicrous gun.

"Is that thing a water pistol?" laughed Romana.

"Do you really want a demonstration?" The man said, desperately - pointing it straight at Romana's head. "No, well get in - please!"

More than the threat from the comedy gun, however real it may or may not have been, it was something in the way he said 'please', some hint of terror, of need for help that compelled Romana to step into the dingy interior of the house.

As her bedraggled captor stepped forward to close the door, Romana neatly snatched the bulky firearm from his clumsy grasp. The man gaped in shock as she examined it. "Oh, yes - I'm sorry - this is quite real - my apologies... but not a killing weapon? Is it like the ones the orange skinned aliens have? I assume you know about the aliens?" The man was just gaping. "Oh do be a good chap," she said, handing the gun back into his astonished hands, "close the door and your mouth, and let's see what the matter is."

"The matter?" he said, closing the door, and turning back to her. "The matter is that we've been invaded." he laughed, without humour. "As far as I know, the matter is that there are less than seventy of us left un-altered in this whole city. You've got to help us! We saw you arrive, and followed you, it was pure luck you came here! You've got to help or we'll all be converted - we'll all be made into drones." He paused, then looked at Romana, pleading. "They want to destroy our souls."

The lift halted a few seconds after the descent had begun. Quite a speed to have climbed 77 floors in that short time, mused the Doctor. The receptionists word were still echoing in his ears... ten minutes early - but that meant...

The door slid open, and at the end of the huge room beyond, a small shadowy figure behind an enormous, multicoloured desk said:

"Doctor, come in - so good to finally meet you. Like the scarf!"

It was only as he stepped out of the lift, and the doors closed tight behind him, that the Doctor saw the two aliens flanking the lift door. They raised their weapons to point straight at him.

"Tea?" asked the Ambassador.

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Episode Three

by Trivial Keithy

Romana took another sip of tea, before allowing the stranger, Charles Adams to finish his explanation.

'I think I've got a rough antidote serum, but it's not very pure and has never been tested on a human yet.'

Romana calmly put her cup down. 'Yes that would be a problem, having difficulty obtaining volunteers?' She began to warm the pot again, ready for a new brew. 'I wish the Doctor was here, he likes a good cuppa.'

The Doctor tried not to show his discomfort as he swallowed another cup of the sickly sweet tea. 'I really like a good cup of tea, but with two sugar lumps, three occasionally if it's a cold day and I need the energy, but eighteen is just overkill.' He tipped the vile mixture into a nearby plantpot.

'Oh dear, I'm getting a headache.' Ambassador Hhhhhhhnh put his left hand to his head to exagerate his statement. 'It's not easy having a good time, and that floor show was not very good last night. Now Doctor I suppose you are wondering why I've called you here?' He lent forward in a questioning manner.

'Well I thought it was my charm and ready wit, but obviously you want me out of the way of your nefarious plans.' He removed his hat from his pocket and threw it casually onto the recently watered plant. 'You're not an animal lover are you?'

'My dear sir, but of course. Tiddles, come to daddy.' A ginger cat lept up onto the Ambassadors lap and he began to stroke it gently. My name is Hhh-Hh Hhhhhhhnh and I am responsible for all security in this sector of this world. You were monitored from arrival and unfortunatley classified as a nuisance, grade 1a.'

'Really?' The Doctor removed his scarf and discarded it by the other side of his chair. 'I must admit some people tend to think of me as a bit of a hazard, but that's usually a misjudgement on their part. I'm really terribly nice when you get to know me.'

'I was hoping you would say that Doctor, because we've decided to add you to my staff.'

'You don't mean?'

'Oh but I insist Doctor...' The Ambassador motioned to one of the guards to inject the Doctor.

'Careful with that thing, you could do someone a mischief.' When the guard got in range he flicked one end of his discarded scarf around the guards leg and pulled him to the ground. He got up out of the chair and ran to the exit which was locked. Searching his pockets quickly he pulled out the sonic screwdriver and unlocked the door.

It took Romana twenty four seconds to look through the research data and deduce a simple reaction that would remove the impurities from the serum. 'Time for a cup of tea I think.'

She prepared a new pot while Charles looked at the reaction. 'It's so simple, so obvious.'

'Yes, well I got a triple A plus in Chemistry back at the acadamy.' She smiled to herself while the kettle heated.

'Oh no, this is terrible, nothing can save us now.' She showed the empty box of tea bags to Charles.

'No tea, no tea, no tea.'

Then she noticed the squad of elite security agents surrounding the building. 'I wonder if they have some tea?'

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Episode Four

by Ro_ma_na

Romana let the security guards in and questioned them on the tea situation. They were sorry but they didn't have any with them. They offered to escort her to the station and she agreed readily. They left her alone in a nice cosy room with a tea pot all to herself and all the sugar and milk she needed. After a few hours a female guard entered and politely chatted to her until Romana had revealed why they were here and how capable the Doctor was at flouting authority. Romana commended the guard on her relaxed attitude and helpful manner and enquired about a second pot which was provided later that day.

The Doctor was hiding in a tree as a lot of guards searched for him. He had left a faint trail going southwards towards the river but he had turned west and then north without bending so much as a blade of grass. He was most suprised when a sparrow started setting up home in his long, curley hair. After evicting the confused creature he sneaked in the shadows until he found an empty house to hide in. At least he thought it was empty until he felt the point of some sharp object pushed into his back...

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Episode Five

by Trivial Keithy

The Doctor tensed as the blade scratched his skin, drawing a few drops of blood. "You could have just said hello you know."

"It seems you always turn up just before or after an alien invasion Doctor." The Brigadier lowered his weapon. "Thought you were one of them for a minute, it's been a long time since I saw this version of you. Last year you were a lot shorter and had..."

The Doctor cut his old friend off in mid sentence. "That's my future Alistair, we prefer to know as little about it as possible. So this is the resistance?"

"Yes I'm afraid so. Three police officers, two nurses, a gardner and one escaped convict. Not much I know but I've still got my duty to my country and my world."

"Duty? It's not honour you're fighting for, it's your right to survive, your species it at stake. Honour won't do much when you're all dead. Forget the propognda and patriotism. This is going to get really messy. How much is your planet worth Brigadier?"

"I won't resort to terrorism Doctor, the end does not justify the means. I still have some decency in me, despite all the battles I've seen and fought in."

"I do believe you're learning. You're absolutely right, I was just making sure. Glacier mint?" He offered his friend a bag of sweets.

Romana was having a plesent chat with sub-commander Gggg-Ggg-Ggggggjg. They had discused turning suns into black holes.

"TT capsules are even easier. I made one for my post-graduate thesis, but they confiscated it before I could connect the control systems."

Gggg-Ggg-Ggggggjg pulled out a small pistol and pointed it at Romana. "You will build a fleet of these crafts for us."

"I wish I could, but I can't. It's against the first law of time. Or is it the second? I'm not allowed to interfere in any way that may cause a change of a beneficial or detrimental nature to the time stream."

The gun was still pointed at Romana...

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Episode Six

by The White Guardian

"You will build a fleet of these TT capsules, as you call them," said Gggg-Ggg-Ggggggjg with what passed for a smirk on his orange countenance, "or I will destroy you."

"Oh, but that wouldn't be very NICE, now would it?" Romana retorted. "I see how your people operate. Kindness and decency, but only on your own terms. You can't force human beings not to be angry or hurtful once in a while. It's in their nature."

"But I believe we can force them. We already are. The resistance fleet is minute and disorganized. We are bringing forth a new age of harmony and tranquility for the Earth."

"Then you'd better have lots of tea on hand," said Romana, a cold look in her eyes.

The sub-commander spoke with great care. "We do."

"Nice!" barked Lethbridge-Stewart in disgust. "Sweet! Good! Do you know, Doctor, these past few weeks I'd give anything to suddenly go blind, just so I'd never have to see any more orange and pink?"

The Doctor fiddled absently with his scarf. "It's all wrong, you know," he said. "All of it. There was never an invasion in 1998. Well, not by any orange-skinned race of bald aliens, anyway."

"What the devil are you talking about, Doctor? They've already invaded. The place is bloody well theirs now. All we can do is keep our identities and try to stay out of sight."

The Doctor's face slowly resolved itself into a toothy grin. "That's not entirely true, Brigadier. I think I may have just stumbled on the problem."

"Problem? The problem is those Helper bastards out there!! Now what can we do to solve it, Doctor? Perhaps the answer's in that TARDIS of yours."

"Precisely. Now listen to me carefully. These Helpers, or whatever they call themselves, they just showed up one day out of nowhere and started putting up signs, correct?"

"I went to bed and humankind ran the Earth, and by the time I woke up the next morning we'd been invaded. You should see Benton. I hadn't seen him for years, and when he saw me the first thing he did was grin and say I was incomplete without THEIR influence."

"An influence, Brigadier, that should not exist in this dimension. These creatures are here - but they haven't just traveled here from another world. And we've got to find a way to send them back." Another grin from the Doctor. If he didn't know better, the Brigadier would have almost thought the Helpers had gotten the Time Lord too.

Romana was beginning to understand.

"You, as a Time Lord..."

"Time Lady," she amended.

"Oh, frightfully sorry... you as a Time Lady not only can help us, it is your destiny and your fate to do so. Our scrolls bear it out. 'The Lady from Beyond the Great Barrier will be brought back through our history by our children to create us by tampering with the genetic makeup of our forefathers,' it says."

A shudder ran through Romana's body. She knew what Gggg-Ggg-Ggggggjg was about to say, but somehow she had to hear it anyway.

"You, Lady Romanadvoratrelunder, are our God."

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Episode Seven

by Trivial Keithy

Romana was appalled, these people were mad. All of them. She had to get out of here.

"We don't have to wait, I've got a key to the Doctor's TARDIS, we can use that. Just load all your people inside, I'll set all the co-ordinates and we can drop one squad off at a time then monitor their progress on the viewer."

A plan was forming, a nasty plan, but it was necessary she kept telling herself.

The Doctor and Brigadier argued for an hour on their stratergy. In the end they agreed on the infiltration method. They spent another hour picking off the guards and stealing their uniforms. They lowered the helmet visors so that they would appear as the real guards from a distance.

"Right men." The Brigadier still found the concept of female combatants a mystery. "We strike the embassy here. We get inside cause as much damage as we can and shoot our way out if we have to. Any questions? Yes Doctor?"

The Doctor looked anxious. "My friend Romana seems to be taking her time, she may have been captured."

"We'll try and free any hostages if we find any." The Brigadier pulled his visor down and led his rag-tag group with as much dignity as he could remember.

Romana watched as seven hundred security guards filed into the TARDIS. She led them to the executive suites before taking Seargent Lll-Llll-Lllllill back to the console room. "You input the co-ordinates on this panel here, all 9 relevent dimensions and 5 subjective dimensions. Then the dematerialisation protocol on this panel, pull this lever and you're on your way."

"What was the first world called again?"

"Skaro. The people are called Kaled's, you'll really enjoy making them happy. The next world's called Sontar, they really need cheering up." Romana really felt guilty as they marched out in single-file. "Have a nice time, send me a post card." She tried her best to keep up a smile.

Once the final group had been deposited on Mondas she set the controls to rendezvous with the Doctor. She made one quick stop off, to collect the necessary parts for K9. She finished the repairs just as the landing bleep sounded.

"Orders mistress." K9's sensors twirled round in a believable suggestion of anticipation.

"We're going to meet the Doctor, alert status at all time until we return here. The natives are positively unfriendly."

"Human species are noted for their passive nature towards the master and the mistress."

"Not Humans, Earth has been invaded and colonisation is underway."

"Ah, indeed mistress. Blaster on standby." They left the TARDIS.

"Brigadier, did I or did I not say this would not work."

"Actually Doctor this was your plan. I suggested we storm the place. Now look at us five minutes from a court martial."

"Personality review board..."

"Oh be quiet Doctor, I'd like to go out with a little dignity."

The cell opened and two burly figures entered...

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Episode Eight

by BlameLewis

The two figures stopped in front of the Doctor and the Brigadier, their body language radiating puzzlement beneath the visors they wore. The taller of the two shrugged and lifted his visor. A toothy grin shone out from underneath.

"Hello Doctor!" said The Doctor, what are you and Alistair doing locked up in here?

"Oh no!" said the seated Doctor, "let me guess - you're taking over the building, by infiltration and disguise?"

The second figure lifted his visor, staring at his double seated across from him. "We seem to be dangerously near to making a habit of this, old chap." he said to the original Brigadier, who was staring in shock at his counterpart.

The two Doctors suddenly frowned.

"This timeline..." they both started.

"Oh no, after you dear fellow..."

"Terribly kind. This timeline is getting dangerously unstable. It should never have existed to begin with!" said the first, standing up. "You two..." he addressed the new arrivals, "...stay here, I'm afraid you're from a reduntant timestream, and we can't have you running around all over the place. Alistair, come on!"

He dashed from the room, Lethbridge-Stewart following with a swift salute to his copy.

The Doctor and Brigadier were left standing.

"Redundant, eh?" harumphed the Brigadier. "Are you sure we should just sit around here?"

"Oh, I should think so..." the Doctor replied. "That chap has a good grasp of things, terribly intelligent fellow you know. Look..." The two were fading from sight steadily as they spoke.

The Brigadier looked alarmed, then stiffened his resolve. "I thought the other chap had a certain bearing..." he commented.

"Remind me to give you a masterclass in vulgar facetiousness one day, Brigadier." The Doctor said, his grin lingering like the Cheshire Cat's. The Brigadier's reply was lost to the wind, as the two faded completely into nothingness. The cell was now empty.

The TARDIS materialised in the Ambassador's office, and caused a disgruntled tut from the watching Hhh-Hh Hhhhhhhnh. Tiddles the cat fled in alarm as the doors opened and K9 emerged, blaster extended. As Romana appeared, the Ambassador gestured silently for her to sit.

"We'll need to work on a more pleasant sound for the arrival of your craft, my dear. I've a tape I think we could get it to play instead." He flicked a switch and the lulling strains of 'The Girl from Ipanema' filled the room.

Romana leant forward dangerously... "You're finished, Ambassador." she hissed.

The Ambassador merely blinked at her. "I do believe you sound like quite a hostile God." he commented calmly. "Perhaps some more tea?"

Romana dashed the pot from his hands, sending it crashing over the tape deck and halting the music with a hiss. She leant over the desk. "You're the last of your people on Earth now, Hhh-Hh Hhhhhhhnh!"

The Ambassador calmly wiped the spittle from his jacket.

"I've just delivered your entire invasion force to some of the most dangerous planets in the Universe, the homes of the races least likely to respond well to cheery grins and sticky toffee pudding. They don't stand a chance. And now there's just you..."

She suddenly slumped down in her seat, as if dizzy.

The Ambassador leant forward himself, with a small smile. "I am expecting another guest or two..." he chuckled, and the room was filled with a ghastly mixture of mechanical schreeches, and also, over 'The Girl from Ipanema' the sound of a TARDIS arriving. Romana looked unsteadily round, her head swimming. She thought for a moment her vision was blurring, but no - there were two police boxes side by side in the room now. One was fluorescent yellow.

"Danger, Mistress, Danger... spacial anomaly... timelines colliding Mistress, Danger!" whirred K9. The door of the yellow TARDIS opened, and a day-glo green K9 trundled out, silencing his counterpart with a blast from his nose ray. The original K9 exploded in a puff of sparks.

"Do you know..." said Romana blurrily, "I've only just fixed him!"

"Never mind," said another Romana, stepping out of the yellow TARDIS, "we'll soon have him rewired, and a coat of paint too I believe!" she smiled at her delirious counterpart.

"You see, my dear Goddess Romana," the Ambassador began, "when the drug in the tea takes full effect, you will find yourself much more..." he smiled, sadly, "helpful!"

"Indeed I will!" said the newly arrived Romana, kneeling next to her striken double and whispering gaily in her ear. "It's really quite painless, after the first agonies... And now I've been able to aid our friends here in the conquest of those planets you sent them to... The drug heightened your innate aggression first, leading you, me, to think of such a ruthless fate for these hapless invaders... but then the second stage kicks in - withdrawl symptoms - the drugged individual feels drained of aggression, passive, open to suggestion and very, very helpful!"

Romana slumped unconscious across the desk, and began to shake as the drug coursed through her system...

"This travesty has gone far enough." said a voice from the lift doors.

"Hello Doctor," smiled the helper's Romana, "Care for some tea?"

"I'm rapidly going off tea, you know - too many additives." The Doctor said, casually flicking the deactivation switch on the bright green K9. Lethbrige-Stewart covered The Ambassador and Romana with his stolen gun, as the Doctor felt for pulses on the comatose Romana.

"She'll be fine, Doctor" said the helper's Romana, coldly, "she's me..."

"Not in the true timeline she isn't," snapped The Doctor, standing and facing them. "Surely the drug hasn't taken all your sense too Romana? You must realise you're creating a dangerous instability in this timeline! You risk temporal fugue, recursive occlusion - all the dangers of crossing timestreams as you're doing..."

"I no longer care, Doctor - I merely want to help my colleagues here spread happiness and help everybody. Every race in the Universe - in every possible Universe will know our help! I even popped back and helped them set up their initial invasion here on Earth, after I sent the last of their troops into battle on Mondas."

"What did you say? Mondas? Romana, Ambassador, surely you can't mean to..."

"Yes Doctor, they can, and they have!" came a deep booming voice from the yellow TARDIS. A giant in spotless silver armour strode out of the TARDIS. His faceplate was a cheery pink. "And we of the Cyber race are very grateful for their help, as are all our allies..."

Following the Cyberleader from the depths of the TARDIS came two more figures... A stubby, squat figure emerged first, the word "HEART" emblazoned across his visor. Slowly, he removed the dome shaped helmet, to reveal a rounded head, and thick, smiling, rouged lips.

The Doctor stared in horror as behind these two came gliding out the short pepperpot shape of a Dalek. The casing was Orange, and the etheric beam locators all different coloured bumps over the shell... One red and one green light flashed at either side of its bright blue head as it spoke in harsh, grating tones:

"IT IS THE DOCTOR! INGRATIATE, INGRATIATE, INGRATIATE!!!"

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Episode Nine

by Trivial Keithy

The Brigadier turned to the Doctor. "This is enough, what's going on Doctor?"

The Doctor smiled. "You're witnessing one of the biggest mistakes in Time Lord history. The meshing of two seperate time streams. Jelly baby anyone?"

"So this is the worst thing to happen to Earth then?" The Brigadier tried to give a smug grin.

The Doctor stopped smiling. "I said Time Lord history. Earth has mush bigger problems facing it."

Hhh-Hh Hhhhhhhnh coughed, nicely. "Ahem. If I may, it's wonderful to have you back Doctor and Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart is it?"

"Retired." The Brigadier removed the stolen helmet. "Leave my world now and we can avoid trouble."

The Doctor slapped his hand on his forehead. "Do you have to be so cliched Alistair?"

The Brigadier smiled, wistfully. "It nearly worked last time, when Morg..."

The Doctor cut him off again. "I said I didn't want to know." The Doctor turned to the day-glo Romana. "Care for a cuppa?"

"Oh yes please." She smiled, maybe the Doctor would be alright after all. She didn't notice the few drops of purpley-black liquid added to the tea. "Do you think the pink feather boa goes with the lavender mini-skirt?"

"Now, as I was saying..." The Doctor continued. Suddenly, the Sontaran vanished. "Wow there's something you don't see everyday. Reality's unstable here, two TARDIS' can bend and fold the continuum until it resembles swiss cheese. You don't want to be in a hole like he was just then."

Romana smiled, "You will help us Doctor, you must save us."

"From what? A parasitic reality that feeds off the the main time-stream? Oh I've finally worked out how it all works. You try and become the main reality by changing the future and become part of the continuum. It won't work, it's against the laws of nature."

"Are you so sure Doctor?" Hhh-Hh Hhhhhhhnh smiled and offered everyone a slice of cake.

"What are you trying to say?"

The Ambassador grinned. "It's not quite as straightforward as you think. This was the original time-stream, but you changed all that. You replaced us with an alternative future, one in which you could defeat us."

"I did what?" The Doctor was angry.

"Of course you haven't done that yet, but you will do. Carve us from reality and cast us adrift in the nullness of non-existance. We became only a possibility, a potential if you will. We simply exploited our potential and found our way back into existance. But we're not sad or upset about it. We only want to make people happy, give them something to enjoy." Tiddles jumped back into his master's lap.

Inspiration hit the Doctor. "Romana get into the TARDIS, both of you. Brigadier, help the nicely dressed version of her would you?" In a moment of clarity Romana felt that the Doctor was right and she entered the TARDIS. The comforting pink and blue striped walls with the alternate green and yellow roundels gave her strength. "Now dematerialise, both of you." There was a flicker as both versions of the TARDIS vanished. The Doctor smiled. "And now it ends."

"What have you done?" The ambassador jumped to his feet, sending Tiddles flying.

"I've arranged it so that both realities can have a fighting chance. May the best continuum win. Jelly baby?"

The ambassador clicked his fingers and pointed at the Doctor. "Kill him, kill him."

The Doctor was exterminated, blasted by the Dalek's laser and the Cyberman's cybergun at the same time. He just stood there smiling as the beams passed through his body. He turned to the ambassador. "You've lost. Goodbye."

He stopped smiling and stood there, solemnly, as the three figures vanished, erased from reality.

A few minutes later the 'proper' version of the TARDIS materialised. Romana and K9 emerged along with the Brigadier.

"Do you know this man Doctor? He appeared in the TARDIS while we were in the vortex."

"Hello Romana, Brigadier, K9. Anyone remember anything? My head feels empty."

The Brigadier relaxed, everything seemed normal again. "Of course, where have they gone?"

The Doctor was confused. "Where have who gone? Did you fix K9?"

"The Invaders Doctor. Don't tell me you've forgotten and you Miss...?" The Brigadier introduced himself.

"Romana... - I can't remember K9 being repaired or the Doctor leaving the TARDIS. Plus someone's redecorated the inside."

It took the Brigadier several hours to full explain everything to the best of his knowledge. "And we returned in the TARDIS and it was all over." That still did not jog the two Time Lord's memories but they both shrugged it off. They said their goodbyes and the Doctor and the Brigadier shook hands, before he ushered Romana and K9 into the TARDIS.

"What have you done?" The inside was still technicolour. "This won't do at all." He pressed a few buttons on the console and the walls returned to their original white colour. "I may have lost my memory, but not my taste."

The End.

